So the results come back for the Catscan, and I think I read it aloud to the wife … Says something about swollen lymph nodes in my neck, and I’m not very concerned about it, but you know the wife … She gets this look on her face and says ‘Lymph nodes? That’s pretty bad, isn’t it?’ … Wha? What are you trying to say, honey? ‘Well, nothing …’ You saying I have CANCER in my NECK because they referred to the LYMPH NODES in my neck?!!? So, now I am going to die and I have a week to live … I will cry now, then smoke a cigarette, and then play with all my computers …
After berating her and reading the letter over several times, it said nothing of a “mass” in my neck, nor any words like ‘benign’ or ‘malignant’ which are great cancer words … I also told her that I didn’t think the doctor would send off a letter showing the results with another specialist’s phone number to contact if it were in fact a diagnosis of cancer … You’d think he’d call me in his office and sit me on his lap and tell me … So, I forced her to call the doctor and ask how long I had … If it were more than a week but less than two, I wanted to make some plans … The wife yells at me for buying computers rather than taking the family to Disneyland … So, here was my chance, sympathy and all …
Swollen nodes in the neck, and a referral phone number to an Ear Nose Throat Specialist pointed all the signs towards a pretty serious infection in my head somewhere … I’ll buy that … I have had serious sinus problems for years … I had a doozy of a weird numbing head experience a while back, and I was sent for a Catscan at that time (no dye) and they said it was a serious sinus infection … I took these really big pills for a while, and didn’t feel any different … Way to practice medicine, huh?
So, now I have an MRI and a Catscan under my belt in the last few weeks, and they both have returned different results pointing me to two different specialists. Ugh! … In the meantime, my beck (back/neck) has grown sorer … It feels like I pulled a muscle up my spine or something … Uncomfortable … The numbing in my hand comes and goes … I am generally falling apart, but for the most part (honestly) I don’t feel that bad …
I would probably feel better if I was successful in quitting smoking, but I’m obviously a wuss … I couldn’t do it … I have cut down a lot though, but still go through periods of my past habit … When I am conscious of it, I smoke one cigarette a third at a time making one cigarette last 3 cravings rather than 3 full cigarettes … I have smoked for 23 years … Never before have I stopped … It hasn’t been an on again off again habit … I have remained loyal to cigarettes … National Smoke Out Day – Ha!
The difference this time other than the other times I attempted to quit is that I want to … I still say all the radio ads you hear about their quitting smoking aids are a money back guarantee because they’re bought by people that want to quit … I doubt they’d work on someone who had no intention of quitting … I tried that Zyban stuff … You could still smoke while taking it … One of the side affects is seizures, but I still popped those pills … Didn’t help me one bit .. I felt no different nor did I quit smoking … Turns out that Zyban is actually Welbutrin which is an anti-depressant … Has nothing to do with smoking? Another aid to help you get through the Zyban system … Stupid … I have cut down though, and this puts me on my way to quitting … I guess a gradual stop is better than a jerk?
The iMac arrived … I am working on the paper so I haven’t been able to dive into it … It a real beautiful machine … I wonder if it’s okay to have a smart looking machine to do work on … The desktop graphics alone are impressive … More on the iMac later …